Stalemate.

Sometimes I get stuck trying to figure out my next move. Tonight, I was sitting there, eating my watermelon, trying to figure what to do. The big blue piece felt too symmetrical. The form was just mimicking the others and not adding anything new. It needed something to distinguish it. I needed to mess it up.

I always hate being at this place where I've gotten a good start and don't know what to do next. Once I realize my next move I get nervous. I really don't want to fuck it up and ruin it.  

It's just a piece of paper.

SPLAT

Oh thank god.

It's funny how much risk-taking is involved with making art – especially when you're working with watercolor –the most unforgiving of mediums. I fuck up all the time. I still have paintings taped down from months ago. Because maybe one day it will click and I'll know what to do with it. But if I'm being truthful with myself, I fucked up and I don't think some of them can be recovered. Then they just are a thorn in my spine. That's not a bad thing. It keeps me going.

That's part of the reason why I love the smaller paintings. I fail rapidly, then try again.