The month of April was supposed to be a month of creation and all things art. After a long-ish stint doing some freelance work, I was ready to get things going in my studio. That didn't pan out the way I expected.
A combination of things made to this not happen. Honestly, the motivation wasn’t there. Normally, I am in a go-go-go state and work ethic is on. But, I was tired and drained. I found myself doing mundane chores around the house instead of going outside to my studio. I just felt off. Even when I did go into the studio, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself once I was there. I’d pitter patter around and not be productive. Also, mercury was in retrograde so the universe wasn't helping either.
It’s a bizarre feeling when you know you’re off – even just slightly. It took me a few weeks to even realize that I was. Instead of fighting it, I tried to make peace with it. I acknowledged all the transition I have been through the past couple of months (slash years) and realized sometimes it catches up with you. I couldn’t beat myself up. I’ve struggled with various mental health issues (depression and PTSD among them) and have learned that when you fight it or try to ignore, it rears it’s ugly head even more.
All the good things: plants, being outside, and dogs
Being an artist, you spend a lot of time alone with yourself. This intensifies all the feelings and really makes you live in them. There aren’t that many distractions from yourself when it is just you. For better or worse you are in your head. But when your head isn’t at it’s best sometimes you need to get out. Those outlets for me tend to be doing something physical or reading and watching. Yoga during this time kept me sane and so did Bob’s Burgers.
I met with a couple other creatives for coffee and/or lunch and had some really honest conversations. A lot of them as well have been trying to regain their creative mojo. These conversations made me feel so much better because I realized I was not alone and it is part of the process.
I also went to the doctor to run some test. I found out I have Hashimoto’s among some other things that were contributing to my physical and mental symptoms. It's good to know what I am working with.
Changing spaces, locations, and staring new adventures are all transitions. For me, I find myself most productive when I feel settled. This takes time. Sometimes a week, sometimes longer or shorter. Living a creative life seems glamorous from the outside but in reality, it is one of ebbs and flows. I needed the ebb to slow things down so I could mull it all over. It forces reflection and allows space for tasks I might otherwise put off such as reading and researching.
After 5 weeks being in the ebb, I feel like I am finding my flow. While traveling the other weekend I was craving being in my studio. I couldn’t wait to get back so I could be in there and get to work.
Ok, enough typing – the canvas is calling. Time to pick up that brush.